An Honest Conversation
by hazydaze
Summary: Gwen realises that there are very few honest conversations between her and Jack. JackxGwen


_An honest conversation. Had she and Jack ever had one?_

Gwen doubted it. Everything with Jack was laden with subtext and innuendo. Gwen had been sorely tempted to give up coffee, forever tainted by the morally ambiguous Captain. But given what she did -- it wasn't an option.

_Was Jack an option? Something to be replaced with something else? _

Gwen would have liked to say no. But she had replaced Jack with Rhys. She had clung to her life with a man who would love her but not excite her. Stability over adventure.

Her choice was never discussed although it was acknowledged in the distinct lack of flirting. Gwen's eyes flickered over the Hub, Jack's office was the only one with walls.

_With secrets_.

The words rang true, Gwen and Tosh had become firm friends, Gwen and Ianto had their mutual respect and well Owen -- was Owen.

"A penny for your thoughts." Jack said as he rested his hand on the back of Gwen's chair, leaning over to survey her computer screen.

"Nothing useful I'm afraid." Gwen replied, the double meaning of her words came easily. Like being around Jack changed everyone making it accustom to say one thing and mean something else entirely.

"Doubt it, there's always something that can be salvaged." Jack's fingers slid over Gwen's to type on the keys above those under her fingers.

Gwen turned slightly in her chair and was faced with the length of Jack's neck, the soft skin pulsed thickly in time with the strength of his heart. Gwen sighed, turning back the other way and standing up. It was dark and quiet in the Hub, Ianto had gone out to get something to eat, Owen had buggered off elsewhere and Tosh was below in the archives searching for a report.

"Gwen, you okay?" Jack asked, concern tinged his voice.

She wanted to say yes, she wanted to say I'm great, Jack but her mouth refused to cooperate, "Jack -- you're never honest."

"What?" Jack said, looking rather confused, "I think…"

"About the things that matter. You're not honest about the things that matter." Gwen corrected.

"The truth hurts more than it saves." Jack said, with age old knowledge.

"Hurts us or you?" Gwen asked, hands on hips.

"What you want me to tell Ianto that I'll never grow old with him. Love him the way he loves me?" Jack replied angrily, folding his arms defensively across his chest.

"There are ways?"

"You want the truth? Here it is, I'm going to be here long after you're all gone. While you think you love me now, I'll be the one burying you in 50 years time. So yeah there are ways." Jack blinked, as he if was unaware where that outburst had came from.

"Jack, I thought there were ways of loving too. But I realise now there is only one way and that's with everything you have." Gwen twiddled her fingers out in front of her, "It's an energy that feeds itself. Only growing with time."

"It's a fire that burns, consumes and destroys everything it touches." Jack said, as if he was correcting her. Gwen looked at her fingers and then reached out, her palm pressed against Jack's chest, over his heart.

"It's give and take Jack."

"It's an overwhelming pit of want."

"It's selfless." Gwen countered, the verbal ping pong only just beginning.

"It's selfish." Jack's eyes narrowed as if to ask her where she was going with this.

"It's I love you but I know we'll never be together."

"It's I love you but I'm too selfish to let you be free."

"Here's the real truth, it's -- it's on my wedding day, standing in a white dress wishing it was you. I never wanted to fall in love with you Jack. I was happy and now -- now I have to watch you love someone else. But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. It doesn't change how I love you. It just means I have to live with the pain."

Jack looked down at her, as he walked over to her, his height made it easy, his voice was hoarse with emotion, "Why? -- Why say anything?"

"…because for once I just wanted to be able to say we had an honest conversation." Gwen told him.

The cog door began to turn and Owen grumbled on the other side, his voice husky from sleep, "What'd you wankers want?"

Jack cocked his eyebrow, Gwen smiled, "See you later guys."

"Gwen." Jack said, his eyes almost pleading for her to stay.

"I have to go. But maybe we'll talk about it later, hmm?" Gwen said, picking up her coat. Owen eyed her suspiciously.

"Gwen…"

"Yeah?"

"With you there was only ever one way." Jack said with a sad smile.


End file.
